In the garb of gaining that enlightenment that may remove all free flowing tides in and around one,reluctantly /automatically venture into that uncertain lucrative/addictive domain to search its bottom/peak,the point beyond which it may lose its impact and then i will float freely without any baggage/encumbrances.
That ideal state is hardly visible anywhere But gaining/experiencing newer and newer bottoms that are tearing core more rapidly and conclusively as if just waiting for that final assault of ill fates,as unable to trudge the surface full of so many holes,which are smoldering to explode,providing enough spark to let structure collapse finally.
I WILL CHANGE FROM TOMORROW ,THIS IS JUST LAST TIME ,WHEN I AM ALLOWING THIS DEVIATION ,BUT FROM TOMORROW I WILL LEAVE IT ,always happening again and again without end .I will gain so much in depth knowledge which may extend beyond these petty addictions or repeated behavior well knowing their futility ,feeling to astride them from tomorrow.
Enlightenment may not be generic commodity and many ordinary one quite immersed in daily chores may aspire it vehemently.Yet one who is at fringe ,cant find immersed in that prevalent surrounding now or for long aspires for escapes or to say permanent escape knowing fully well that everything /all around prevalence of impermanence.
Wasting limited resources in these sort of misadventure gradually weaken the structure savagely ,when neither self or else harbor any hope and get termed as lost case ,and that enlightenment of departure keenly awaited as liberation from swamp in which one gets deeply mired in.
What a great liberating thought is generated when claiming to venture one last time,reading such pun once again lastly to extent that no further material like that will remain to read and same may lose its attraction to again engulf in it,will get so much saturated akin to gaining that enlightenment,which at its very basic core is illusory.