The reputation. of man called Sunder.

Sunder in a bizarre moment tried to recollect his life,tried to recreate childhood,but no photo frame of dancing,vigorous,vivid surrounding with companions could emerge ,only faint seductive memory of living with grand father at premise situated at hill emerged.
The distance of self with body ought to be eliminated ,so that cycle of death and birth again and again in different species could be eliminated and to gain supreme knowledge by penance ,sacred devotion,rituals and avoiding trap of this momentary world pleasantries and confining self in self in breaking/melting all past bad karmas and to create supreme attachment to gain permanent attachment with him and to be relieved from unending world suffering permanently.  
How difficult it had been to pass so many long decades of years,to arrive somewhat unscathed to this juncture and if to live such life again in next birth felt quite horrendous and to ponder to unearth some strategy to avoid such eventuality.
The glow of lamp near the pedestal of celestial bulwark in dark night full of stars,even failed to produce that effect on mind that may cause a deep attachment with all attachments ,swinging between patience and impatience and unable to give retort /riposte  to all those barking around ,where ever Sunder venture to tread/traverse in his journeys of days in real world.The revulsion/the repulsion seemed too difficult ,as it took moments to understand and devise a stand,yet slow impact but remained deeply ingrained in him for long ,nothing helped,a approach/tendency to avoid /escape worked sometimes but manytimes raised hackles. 
No story was there,nor could be built any and only some wild episode of tantrums and few moments of calm ,when barking dogs were silent or ignored somewhat effectively.
The multiple strategy devised with multiple investment in all around to near and close ,yet dividends no where seems to be pouring ,further no acknowledgement anywhere ,all cant understand to remember what not matters and few/many aberrations caused to make picture totally opposite of what was perceived/cherished by Sunder ,to gain a footfall needs/demand much documentation and self presentation effectively to capture some ground ,get few colleagues/respecting attendants.
Self presentation in constant manner to generate appeal and attachment from surrounding and to be seated in it by all others look strange,difficult to emulate/understand ,the roles not changed ,the meanings not changed for eternities ,the lone path perched pathways full of grooves may sound nice but wandering with stitched hurt with frequent disruption created wholly internally or with added stimuli from outside,the stability long cherished could not become stable in any of landscapes.
To that cant be sustained ,always proved self inflicting ,yet proned to get stinged again and again,no learning emerged sufficiently ,each time it appears it may be final battle.
The days anyway again emerged perfectly as if gained the level of confidence ,removed diffidence to indulge in another play/ploy to get what had been elusive so far,but to return at minus of squares ,as if to get another round of long journey of recovery but again losing and recovering ,the monolith may gets cracks visible to others .
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